The Christmas Kid

I have been given the best gift...a KID to spoil through out Christmas.  At 39, things are so different around our home front as we plan, wrap, pick out, pick up, look about, give out, send out, bring in, bring out and eat all sorts of goodies.  People use to say all the time prior to me having a Son, Christmas is for kids, true.  Though now I am delighted as I get to experience it hand and foot. 

The first REAL holiday we were fortunate to celebrate was HOLLOWEEN.  What an amazing experience.  My Son only being 5 months sure did do well, we gathered candies, suited up, and off we went in the cold, chilly, rain pounding on strange peoples doors.  We were all in, my husband had a cool get up and I decided the last minute to share in the spirit of HOWLS.

Years past, at Christmas time I had already decorated our home no later then November 15th.  Early of course, but what else was I to do?  How many "Grinches"  could I possibly watch?  There were no pageants to attend, no hockey games to muster through, no presents to buy for a favourite teacher, no Santa clause letters to mail out?? 

I was on top of gifts for who, what and when, the how was easy as I loved to shop, no one ever had to show me how- where- NO problem I was there.  Now as December 3rd is edging fast.  I have no idea where my decorations are from last year, I have no clue where to go to find the great gifts, the one that fits for anyone.  I am stumped.  I certainly was planning to make those throw pillows with the extra added touch of personalised "quotes" for all of the special people in my life.  Now as I go through list after list, ideas scratched, baking held off, sewing pillows may as well be left for after retirement.  THIS is IT, this is Christmas, AND I LOVE IT...this is the busyness people were talking about, the stress that I had never endured; though pretended to harvest just the same,  This is why they have Christmas Cheer, spritzers and rum balls being passed around like tic tac's.  I FINALLY feel the stress of the holidays and I GOT this.  This was the magic people were talking about, this was celebrating in speed, not style.   This was why people would dodge each other left and right to make sure that they were the first to book Christmas week off.  The magic though is everywhere....though now, I see it mostly in my little baby boy's face as I "try" to explain to him what Christmas is all about, why it is snowing outside and much colder then it was months past, who Santa is and why he carries a sac. 

The best thing that ever could happen to me was my little boy, Christmas though as I joust about being overly exerted...is NOTHING compared to how much I love him, enjoy him, love every part of him.  Now I know what people meant when they said they could eat there offspring, the love is just there, simple, easy and over flowing love all the time.  A feeling meant for the holidays and celebrations, so adoring.  The stress is there of course, we are parents-THE love that comes with it washes away the stress in a blink of their sparkling eye.

 Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas. 

Genuine

Kids of course are innocent...everyone loves that about kids, that is the most specialist part of them.  Another remarkable feature is their Genuinity.  It makes the intricate parts so adoring, as you watch a young person play, listen, learn and grow.  When the Genuinity peaks through it is like soft pouring rain touching the ground and the sky at the very same time, it is something that is forever true.  That is authentic enough for me.

Kids are great, no matter the age, style, big, small, tall, light, heavy, sad....kids are to be looked after and adored completely.  Staying true to themselves along the way, that is genuine in all cases and sense of the word.  One can never fake something that is genuine, no one can.  There is only one genuine person inside each and everyone of us, that separates us from the rest.  Just as no apple is a mimic of another apple, the sizes are different, the tastes all differ somehow from each other.  Even apples, however are unique on their own.  Some have bruises, some don't, some you bite into and it is so mushy, you really have no choice but to spit it out.  In all cases apples, like many things in life are genuine.

Take Levis jeans for example; they are genuine-an original, made well, lasts through time and wear and tear and are also delicate.  One person can buy a Levis jean-well made in size 12, the other can also by a Levis jean in size 12, they will look different for each different part, still original-still Levis-still Genuine.  NO one can face a Levis, it just is that great of a pair of jeans.

There is also truth in Genuinity, nothing but truth and it is as well, freeing.  To be yourself, because who else is there to be- would you really want to spend a life time mimicking someone and miss out on being you?  The whole meaning of the word be you, be yourself or as I see it, "To THYNE OWN SELF BE TRUE"

Genuinity is also a tree, many shapes, curves, some are so stretched, tall, old-with many divets and markings.  You can most likely fabricate a tree, which is so genuine beyond compare.  Still no to tree's are the same.  In so many cases tree's all stand tall, that is the similarity and compacting bond between trees.  The Genuinity shines through when you really look, or somehow the tree happens to catch your eye.  Just like, all animals are different, all great, none the same as the next.  So Genuine.

To be Genuine, I would personally suppose their is a gentleness in that...also perhaps a gentlemanly way, could be a genius and even a giant all at the same time-an original.  Genuinity is so great on its own that no one could ever copy or who would want to.  To do that, then it is a mimic, a mime.  Almost like stealing an identity for your own....be proud of who you are and be genuine.  It is much easier for kids to this, they have young hearts with a whole life ahead of them...They are who they are because they can be no other way.  They are just that-kids, genuine, happy, resilient. 

It is ok to assimulate something, resemble something or be an image of something...with that their is always something similar, something unique-perhaps interesting, that you could look fondly upon.  That is what is so wonderful with kids, even babies, their innocence is their, but one day...it would be gone...The Genuinity, will always be their and is true like water, sand, fire and air.

Teary Eyed

Sitting here a week ago with my Son Logan, I decided to take a reprieve and watch a movie, of course picking a Disney movie was our only choice.  At four months he tends to like the noises along with the different colours and light that he is able to see.  I am sure not realising what is taking place in the cartoon.  So we sit on the couch, bundle up and cuddle.  I picked the movie the most recent The Muppet Movie.

Being a Mom at 39, I was given the chance to watch all the new and old Disney movies that I was out of touch with.  I had no kids in my life for so long, but would hear Moms, kids and families talk about Mator from the Cars movie and Thomas a train that is blue.  I was missing out on all the greats over the year.

As I sit here watching The Muppet Movie, tears fall from my cheek, I get choked up as Kermit the Frog sings "The Rainbow Connection".  Sitting here trembling, enjoying a moment with Logan as Kermit belted out a ballad that was so well known and popular when I was growing up.  Sharing this moment with him, rejoicing in the fact that..."WOW, what a beautiful song, even if it was sung by a green puppet".  I am sure it was a top fourty hit at some point, some where.  I knew all the words as I sang to Logan, tears running down my face.  Him looking up smiling.  I was no longer missing out on so many things including popular Disney Movies.  Tears fall effortlessly as I am able to be in the moment with my Son, share so many moments that I will remember fondly.  The nostalgia that I felt was overwhelming as I held him close and enjoyed our movie moment.

There is also laughter beyond the tears, I look at him smile-so easily he let's out a giggle.  I look at his eyes light up and kiss him on his cheek, filled with drool; not tears of joy mind you.  Those moments are precious to me.  I look forward to them daily!  Reading to my Son also holds such great bonding moments, singing to him as I make up lyrics to whatever is being playing on the radio, making it relevant to him.  I use his name a lot and sing lyrics about his spirit that I know so well.  Some times again getting choked up as tears fall from my face.

My Son inspires me on so many levels, his happiness as he sits on my lap as I write this blog article, he looks up and the twinkle in his eyes shine and I breath it in.  Now that I have a Son at 39, I laugh at a drop of a hat, cry for reasons I never quite had imagined and feel a sense of great responsibility that compares to nothing I have never known.  I take these things seriously, his joy becomes my joy, his laughter becomes my laughter, he smiles then I smile, he cries and I pout, trying to figure out what I can do to help his mood.

Being a Mom at 39 and becoming teary eyed for countless moments together, belting out The Rainbow Connection on a morning where fresh rain falls is something now that I hold value in with each new day, with each new tear that falls gently.

Have a Little Faith

I was one of the ones, who wanted a child deeply.  Over the years I spoke to many, many Women who were just like me, in the same boat of dreaming and wanting a child of their own as well.  We talked of the different stages you go through.  Such things as anger right up to acceptance.  We talked of the different things that could be medically wrong or what could be stopping us.  Every case was different, not any Woman that I spoke to was every at the same stage at the same time, and not every Woman ever went through the same medical issues.  We were all individuals, handled each situation different.  But what you could tell with all of us, was that the feelings were all the same.  We all yearned for that child in the same way, we all prayed and wished for the day where we would not be disappointed, but instead wake up with the thrilling news that YES, those two pink lines do actually show up on the stick, where you once thought that they were all broken.  Some ladies chose in vitro, some chose to adopt....I was not in a financial position to do any of these, although I researched these avenues often.

What I could do to gain my chances in my fertilization would be to take care of myself, not just my outsides, also my insides.  I started small, I limited my coffee intake, also I cut out sugar almost entirely.  I thought, these are some things I have control over...even with no results, at the very least I could try.  I started going for walks daily, in sleet and snow I would walk endlessly.  I started to pay attention to my food intake...lettuce, peppers and greens were all on my menu.  I was feeling better, loosing weight at the very least.  I spoke to my partner about conceiving...he knew I was medically diagnosed that I would not be able to.

I was turning 38 in one years time and vowed to step up my health rejamen, I told myself if I could not conceive at the time I turn 38 then to give up, throw in the towel and enjoy my life as it was.  I quit drinking alcohol entirely five years prior, gave up any medication that my Dr. prescribed, I drank water and only water and fruit juices packed with Vitamin C, I began taking vitamins as well as pre-natals.  I had my teeth done that were failing in comparison to others my age, that in itself took a Six month endurance having freezings, drill and anti biotics repairing all damage done over the years.  I started taking classes at a local dance club twice a week....I felt amazing. 

Turning 38 in a few short weeks, I new my time was coming to a halt on my journey and experiment.  I called a naturapath doctor, who had supplements...instead of selling me the supplements, she decided to pray with me.  On the phone with my new spiritual friend for two hours, forgiving my sins, my past, others in my past I forgave.  We prayed that I would have a beautiful baby born to us. 

One month after my Birthday...Lo and behold, I saw those two pink lines on that stick.  I never once saw them before.  "What, I'm pregnant, this can't be, how can this be"  Turning 38, taking my health into my own hands was the best blessing I could have ever given myself...the Blessing of Health and Happiness. 

During that time I went from a size 13 to a size 10, I felt great.  I did not seek medical help to be able to feel the joys of pregnancy, I put the faith into my own hands.  I was truly sick of explaining to people.. "No I don't have kids, no I am not able to".  Then the look on their face was always the same...OHH...they would then smile politely and walk away.  My husband too did not have any kids, but I don't remember him getting the same shakes of the heads, the same stalls in the conversations as I did. 

I never worked so hard, had so much faith, was ever so delighted when I found out I was having a baby boy.  Our Logan was born May 25th 2015!!!!  We were ever so thrilled and still are as we watch him learn and grow also happy and healthy.  That was the best decision, the best commitment that I had ever made.  After a hard four day labour at home, with my water breaking every where and enduring a C section due to complications, I now know what it is like to be a Mother!  I knew that when I had my boy that I would never take this joy, this bundle, this gift from God for granted.  I knew that when we had Logan, he would be my everything.  That I would put everything aside for him so that he could truly enjoy a happy and fulfilled life, full of any possibilities and a family of his own one day, when him and the Gods are truly ready.